Just yesterday I was having a conversation with R, and we were wondering if anything in life is final. Our main topic mostly seems to revolve around relationships and our career, since at 24 the crux off all our problems is connected by these two aspects of our lives.
The conversation started with me saying how it was easy for our older generations, where relations were much more true and easy. But is it? I still don't know. Most of the older relations have lasted due to the fact that one didn't have much of a choice back then, nor the guts to take a serious decision, and also a lack of independence. But actually no matter what we say, they still lasted, and its a sad sight that today our relations are so frivolous, which have a shelf life of a couple of months. Anyways our discussion was that for a relationship, is marriage the final answer or the destination.
The answer it seems is a big No. We have been brought up to believe that maybe there is a happily ever after, or there is a "forever" with the one you love. But its all a fallacy. Probably an error or typo in our fairy tales that no one bothered to rectify. Thus the conclusion is that people are in terrible relationships, having unrealistic expectations of being happy forever. R herself said that marriage is another beginning. And she's right. Another war, another battle, another issue that is filled with insecurities and a cycle that doesn't seem to end. So many marriages around us all falling apart. I mean its traumatic. Here we are, finally making peace with the fact that most relationships don't last, and now suddenly even rock steady marriages are breaking. And the reasons range from careers, to money, and finally probably lands with one of the partner falling in love with someone else. So you just fall for someone else, so what did you have for your partner then? Is that also love that just went away? Thus now we deal with the stress of if there is such a thing as just "one" love. Again the answer is No. Guess one keeps falling in love on and off, or at least our generation does. Shame.
Love marriages are breaking, couples who we adored are separating. Some even have children, yet they do not think twice before leaving. But what is worse is some people fall in love, have affairs, yet cannot break off the marriages due to whatsoever reasons. So many lives are uprooted in this process. What happens to them, how do they live each day? Even though they are independent and can start afresh. why do they still choose to continue with this sort of an arrangement. Here again comes the complexities of relationships and our society. Families are involved, status and power is involved, years of effort is involved. All these factors hold the fate of one's marriage these days.
So what should we think before getting into all of this.
Take our parents advise? They feel one shouldn't think and just go for it. Whatever has to happen, you will learn to adjust. The more you over think the more you mess it. I agree they have a point, but its not easy to follow this. I was talking to Mom sometime back, and she says marriage is a gamble, a good or bad, a right or wrong. But then if life itself has no good or bad, and there's always a middle ground, what if the same thing applies here. What is there is no such thing as a good or right marriage. Maybe its a fight and you have to take it one day at a time. Work on it, if it lasts then good, if not, then well I don't know.
They say if we are always caught in looking for black and white, we will end up missing the rainbow. So I hope there is a rainbow, which probably comes after a heavy rainfall. The trick is to bear the rain, instead of just running off to some sunny place. Well all this is heavy and too deep. I wonder why am I even thinking about all this, when a bigger mess is the question of making a career.
But I guess it all comes down to one question, whether its career, love, family, or life, we still ask ourselves each day "what the hell do we want?"