Headaches and Meltdown.


So I have a massive headache. As usual. You all must wonder why am I blogging about it. Well I want to avoid taking any meds and just distract myself. It is extremely hot, and my tea sucked. So yes, not a very nice day. For me any day that does not entail a good cup of tea, is a bad day. 

Today is one of those day where I am demotivated, exhausted and low. The pressure of work is getting to me. Sometimes I really work well under pressure, but some days I just cant move. Its 3.53 pm and I am yet to start working. The commissions are piled, and till 15th June, I don't have a single day that I can take an off. I doubt I can even afford to head out to a cafe for an hour. I used to always wish that God, give me so much work that I freak out (in a good way) and don't even have one minute free. Well I got what I wished for, just din't know it would feel like this.

 I need to rant today so please bear these complaints. 

I need a day where I can do "nothing". Have you guys ever done that?

It's extremely medicinal and therapeutic. You laze around, read, watch shows, or just sit. Eat whenever, sleep whenever, watch whatever, speak, don't speak, call, don't call, scream, play, run, dance or basically just sit and be alone with your thoughts. 

I really need that. But I cant. I love my art. I love my work. I love the fact that I found my calling and its all paying off. I love the fact that I never get bored with my work. But yes, I do require a break. Just like any normal human, in a normal job. 

It also does not really help that along with such a mood, feelings of self doubts start to enter your mind. 

Am I really good at my work?
Do I deserve this?
Am I a good artist?
How do I better myself each day?
Will I do a good job on all my commissions?

Lots of thoughts enter and play their own games in my head. I cant even watch any shows or do something else, because then I feel guilty. I have to give my 100 percent to this dream of mine, buck up and work. No matter what my mood is, no matter what I am feeling. I need to ignore the headaches, the exhaustion, and push through. 

Feeling a little ok. I think I should have some black tea then, if there's no milk. But I really really need a good cup of tea. If only I could have such an amazing spread right now. 


PS- Sorry for the ranting, just needed to vent. :)


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