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toulouse


Honestly I have zero courage to write this post and accept what has happened, but I cannot and should not hide any more. 12th March my baby, my love, my life, my world decided to move on and leave us.

He did not even reach his 6th birthday and that hurts me more. Death is so final. One minute the one you love is breathing and absolutely fine. The next minute they are not with you any more. And your world is suddenly a meaningless place. I walk around wondering how effortlessly life is going on. How come everything around me is running so normally when my world has just collapsed. 

I will never get to hold him, kiss him, smell him, hear his bark, pull his ears, play with him, hide his toys, give him treats, feed him food and get his loving kisses ever again. And this shatters me every minute. I miss him every minute and each passing day gets more difficult to face. I still walk around the house hoping that maybe I will see him. Maybe he is right there, spying on me from some corner of the house. Maybe he is right there, holding his toy, waiting for me to run after him. Maybe he is right there, sitting by the window sill, waiting for me to come home.

He has gone, and it has broken me. It has broken me beyond words because I have loved him on the level of madness. I always thought love was beautiful. It is. 
But love breaks you and shatters you into a million tiny pieces.

You have given me unbelievable amount of love Tuli. You flowered my heart. I became "whole" because of you. You are now free and happy in a much better place. Our souls are connected and I know one day we will find our way back to each other.

A part of me wished I could go away with you. A part of me just wants to give up. It is difficult waking up in the morning. All my mornings have always started by hugging you tightly. Your memories are all over the house and each time I see them a sharp pain passes through my heart. Your toys, your food bowl, the red bowl in which you specifically needed ice cold water, every nook and corner of the house reminds me of you. 

I sit around mindlessly watching rubbish and making random flowers from paper. All these means are to distract me and keep me sane. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. There is a huge void in our lives now Tuli. Nothing seems to make sense any more. 
Nothing.




 But I am so grateful to God that he created you and gave us your love for six amazing years. You are a wonderful soul Tuli. 
 Thank you for everything that you given me and I hope I have showered you with all the love and respect you deserve. You have always healed me and made me a better person. You taught me what love actually means. Unconditional and pure.
 I have loved you more than anyone I know and I will always love you till the end of time. 

Sleep well my darling..sleep well.

Peace

Comments

  1. Really heart breaking to hear this. I hope you all move on and remember him as he was. May he RIP..

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  3. I feel your pain, tanvi and I'm so sorry for your loss.. I don't have words and I know I cannot make it any easier for you but all I'll say is that he was just as blessed as you are to be loved like that, and he surely is in a better place... May his soul Rest in peace... Take care...

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  4. I feel your pain, tanvi and I'm so sorry for your loss.. I don't have words and I know I cannot make it any easier for you but all I'll say is that he was just as blessed as you are to be loved like that, and he surely is in a better place... May his soul Rest in peace... Take care...

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  5. He was the heart and soul of the family.....he will be missed for not being physically present....however he remains in your heart and soul. Let him be xxx

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  6. What a gentle, generous, memory. Everyone who has had a "fur person" as a member of their family will understand, and sympathize with your loss.

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  7. Hugs Tanvi, for words are just not enough for this loss. I lost one of my boys in December and I don't think I will ever recover. Big hugs from me and my pack of 5 here. xxx

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